May 19, 1993
(Although Jesus was dictating to me since I arrived in Israel I could not feel His Presence. It is a total desert!)
Have You accompanied me all the way
to Your country Israel to abandon me?
If You are the Holy One
who brought me in Your homeland
to walk where You walked,
to breathe and smell the air of the earth You breathed once
and to taste the produce You Yourself tasted,
is it so that You abandon me?
So why are You so far from me?
Why are You silent?
YESHUAH1 YESHUAH, lama sabachthani?
Have You brought me all along to the Mount of Olives to forsake me?
Is it, my Lord, so that I feel loneliness?
Your anguishes of Gethsemane?
Did You want me to feel the horrific denials
and the betrayals You went through?
Are You showing my soul
what Your sensitive Heart went through that night?
Why are You hiding from me then in Your land?
You know how much
my soul and heart are pining away with love for You
and how I long, oh how I long to gaze on You incessantly,
to the point of insanity.
YESHUAH, You know how my soul thirsts for You,
so why have You turned Your Back to me?
why do You take pleasure
in breaking every fibre of my heart?
You made out of me a Target for Your Archery,
thrusting arrow after arrow,
am I to cover myself from the rain of Your arrows?
When thus I lost You, now, how am I to stand alone?
Have You brought me all this way to desert me?
I lost all the taste for life now that You have gone …..
but tell me the reason at least for Your abrupt decision!
Is it right for You
to carry me in Your homeland and ignore me?
Would it be that You had second thoughts about me?
O my Faithful YESHUAH,
I cry out to You but Silence is the only thing I hear;
I stand in the heart of Your homeland
but You take no notice of my wretched soul.
When I went to the gates of Jerusalem,
when I took my seat in Your country,
no sooner had I entered Your land,
my praises echoed in every ear.
You let me build my hopes upon entering Your city,
but no sooner had I entered
then You shut out my soul from Your Light.
When one is deprived of Your Presence,
does not Your Heart feel it?
By Your own initiative
You traced a path for me to reach You
and now You take pleasure in plunging me into darkness.
Night is my sole route companion.
Were You to pass me, I would not see You ….
Were You to touch me I would not feel you,
nor would I detect Your Presence.
So how am I to walk now without Your Light?
I am full of fear before this emptiness.
Why do You do this to Your faithful friend?
is this the way You treat Your guests?
I shall set my case before our Eternal Father,
and to the other one, 2
the one You have given me as my counsellor;
if I am innocent they will bring me Hope.
(That same morning I set out my case before Fr. O’Carroll and wept.)
(Then, later on that same day I saw my YESHUAH with the eyes of my soul at the entrance of His Tomb, and before I entered it He lifted His Hand, touched with His Thumb my forehead and crossed it swiftly several times blessing me.)
(That same night:)
peace be with you, so very little one! courage! do not be afraid; listen to My Words: are you questioning My Faithfulness, My Loyalty and My Gentleness? have you not heard that they are beyond measure? realise how I Myself was broken in these moments of your atonement; 3 incense and appeasing fragrances I do not get much from My Own country; I used you to appease My jealous Love, ah …. and to remind you of My past events;
you are My guest, are you not? would not a good host treat his guests generously and see that they lack nothing? why, I was determined to prosper your soul …. but now, in My turn, I will ask you a question, just one; did you doubt of My Presence at the entrance of My Tomb?4 …. answer Me ….
Yes, slightly Lord.
in truth I tell you, I had blessed you on your forehead, with My Thumb, more than once ….. 5 see how much I put up with you? so what I am asking from you is so very little ….. 6 learn from Me; learn from My Patience and from My Tolerance, and understand how much I put up with you;
(Just after this message which was given around midnight, Jesus asked me to stay awake for one and a half hours, to keep Him company and adore Him. I kept Love and Loyalty who leaned down from heaven in my embrace …. And the Spouse of all mankind rejoiced to be loved, prolonging His visit. And I in my misery was guaranteed over and over again a Faithful and an Eternal Love.7 )