My name is Iuliana, I am 26 years old and I’m from Romania. I would like to share with you my testimony, the way God changed my life through The Messages.
I was raised in an orthodox family. My parents raised me to be a good Christian. My dad, after the earthquake in 1977 which struck Bucharest, got PTSD and his only hope and comfort was The Lord. He sought after God for 30+ years, reading a lot and visiting different churches. He also wanted me to follow in his footsteps, so he tried to make me have the same passion for Christianity.
I remember praying since I was a little girl, but throughout the years, my prayers became lip-service and I thought I had a very good relationship with God, when in fact I was a hypocrite. I was saying that I was a Christian, yet I was sinning a lot. I was selfish, cold, perverted, numb to other’s sufferings. Only now I realized how God must have been near me when I was ignoring Him. I wish I would’ve come near Him way back then.
During my school years, I was a good student, but while most of my time was studying, I lost my relationship with my parents. Dad has more of a rough personality, so that made me grow apart from him, to the point that we didn’t talk for 10 years, besides ‘hello’ and him trying to impose on me his faith. Mom also was cold, because she was raised like that, so she never knew how to help and communicate with me.
In 2011 something strange happened. On some days, I suddenly couldn’t walk, because my calf muscles were contracted, and my fingers. I had anxiety, depression, I got gastritis, anemia, acid reflux, later on during college I got back pain that put me in bed and other symptoms as well. The scariest part was that the doctors didn’t know what I had and all the medical tests were normal. These symptoms last to this day.
I found out through the internet years later that I have somatic symptom disorder, SSD. That means that my broken relationship with God and my parents lead anxiety and depression to cause my body to try to externalize stress through my muscles and organs. Simply put, every time I worry, my body goes crazy. Doctors are still amazed because they never saw someone with such a complex SSD. But God was with me all these years and even if I wasn’t with Him like I should have, He NEVER ceased to leave in me His Light and His Words.
Now about The Messages. I don’t remember the year exactly, but somewhere in 2014-2015, dad, being fed up with the Orthodox Church, unfortunately, wanted to go to the Protestants. Before he made his decision though, he asked God “Please, Lord, send me a prophet of Yours that talks to You nowadays”. He wanted to know the truth and know what to do. God immediately made him discover dear Vassula on the internet. So God stopped dad in time before he lost his way.
In the next years, dad tried to convince me and mom that the Messages were true, but we kind of ignored him and I simply thought he was crazy and that he should not read something like that, lest he gets tricked by ‘a wolf in sheep’s clothing’.
By the Mercy of God, I successfully finished college. But I kept hearing dad talking about the Messages, and one day (I think 2016), I was fed up. I said ‘let me go on the internet and find proof that Vassula is a liar and to prove once and for all to dad that he’s wrong and being mislead’. To my surprise, all the articles against Vassula seemed ridiculous to me and I didn’t believe them. I couldn’t find something wrong with the Messages online. So, driven by curiosity (and of course, God), I started to try to read them. The devil was at work though, because he started to put nasty things in my mind, so at first, I found the way Jesus spoke to Vassula and their relationship to be inappropriate, I found everything so horrendous, that I put the Messages away for a while. So I read them on and off, trying to understand why God talks like that.
I reached a dark point at the end of 2017 when I thought about suicide because I was so sick. But God never gave up on me. Immediately He put His Words in my mind and I thought 1) if I commit suicide, I’ll betray the Lord, because the most amazing gift that He gave us is life and 2) if I try anything, I’m sure I’ll survive and will have to pay for my action for the rest of my life. So my dark thoughts stopped. And one miracle is that after a month or so, my stomach was healed from gastritis, not 100%, but I can eat way more foods than before and I am off medication, after 7 years.
Still, my disorder progressed later and I ended up having to take medication for my anxiety and depression because my body wasn’t receiving food anymore because of my gallbladder. I felt great after I started the treatment, like never before. I was reading the Messages sporadically and listening to Vassula’s book ‘Heaven is real, but so is Hell’.
In 2018, God converted me to a true life in Him. For a couple of weeks, He made me feel His presence and He made me think about all the sins I committed during these years. I became very close to Jesus, when before, I didn’t know much about Him, only the Father. I went to confession after a long time. I started enjoying church more, although I don’t go often. The most impressive thing is that He taught me that my suffering is not in vain as I believed before and that He’s using me for a purpose. He also made me trust Him way more than before. My trust in Him was zero and I was blaming Him for my sufferings.
Now, I still struggle with my SSD, because my old treatment doesn’t work anymore. But for some reason, God makes me be more at peace, teaches me every day important lessons for healing the soul, makes me appreciate and love Him more, although I have a looong way to go. I started feeling compassionate about others, I started acknowledging and praying to Our Lady, I feel like my personality changed. Last but not least, God repaired my broken relationship with my dad after so many years, in a matter of minutes. He made dad realize where he was wrong and although we’re still working on it, I feel we got way closer.
I feel that somehow, the Messages are alive. I don’t know, it’s like every time you read them (and I only read the first volume, imagine when I finish them!), something in your soul or life changes. It feels like they’re living. Probably that’s why they say that The Word of God is alive. I feel that even some other members of the family have been blessed because of the Messages. And I feel that every time I stop reading, my spiritual growth also stops. They’re connected.
I wish I could express more about the Messages, but I don’t know how to find my words.
To anybody suffering, I want to say : never lose hope in The Lord, never think that your suffering is in vain and ask God to give you more trust in Him.