I was a pretty well-known lady in my school years, consciously and unconsciously denying God. As a child though, I was very close to the Lord. In my late high school years I became really “worldly” and I would say I felt like I’ve reached the zenith, and like I said I denied God to the point that I considered myself as an anti-Christ. I was never religious. I detest religious things, I didn’t care about it. And during that time I’ve no clue as to what was happening to me but now I can clearly describe that where I was heading to was a painful downfall.
In 2008, something happened to me. My life at that time was in a big turmoil already but something worse happened in 2008 that I cannot describe. Right now I can describe that it was like heaven’s doors closed and I was left like a wandering zombie.
I looked for answers, went to different psychologists, psychiatrists, healers, astrologers, and even a tarot reader. But I never thought of God. He was the last thing on my mind; He never even crossed my mind. So basically, I was a lost soul. Literally and totally blind…and then came 2010, another event that turned my world upside down. I dreamt of hell:
I was sitting at the back of a car and beside me someone was praying the rosary. We were looking for a way out to wherever we were and then suddenly a very very huge wall blocked our way, we made a turn but another very huge wall blocked our way. I saw in my peripheral vision a gate that opened, and a very long corridor that was filled with darkness, I got curious, so I tilted my head very little to see what it was, then, the darkness consumed and ate me then I woke up. I was so scared as I woke up that I thought I was going to hell and I thought I committed the unpardonable sin. I even saw shadows and got scratches during those days. I went to an exorcist but was told to go to a psychiatrist first. Then I was scared to death, BUT that’s when I realized, if there’s a devil then God is real!
Still, though, I was convinced I committed the unpardonable sin and that I was going to hell. I couldn’t function so much so that I even filed a leave of absence in my school. I talked and sought a LOT of priests for consolation but nothing helped. And then, I went to my parent’s office and saw a book lying with other books on the floor, titled, “Totoong Buhay Sa Diyos” (Filipino version of “True Life in God”). I read it, and since I was desperate to look for help I went to their office (the TLIG office) and sought their advice too and that is when I started attending the prayer meetings, but still, I wasn’t convinced that I’m forgiven.
As I attended the prayer meetings, I met Cecilia Lutz and was made known that she is a good friend of Vassula Ryden. When I learned they are going to meet in a pilgrimage I asked her to pass my letter to Vassula asking for some advice.. Oh the consolation when Vassula replied and told me I did not commit the blasphemy against the Holy Spirit but it did not end there because I got bombarded by my worries again. I still couldn’t function properly but somehow I was able to go back to school and survive.
And then here comes 2012. I met someone who paved my way…to meeting and conversing with the Lord.
I attended a prayer meeting of TLIG Philippines. I heard the priest share that some members of TLIG open a TLIG book (randomly) to look for answers, anyway, as the meeting was ongoing I was looking at a big picture of Jesus outside the door hanging on a tree, it was being blown by the wind and I was just seriously looking straight at his face for quite a minute, then just turned around. When I got home I also tried opening a TLIG book (randomly) since I’ve completed the books by that time. And then it said, “Smile at Me when you look at Me, blessed are the simple in hearts for they shall see God.”
Ever since I’ve been in communication with Him (Jesus) it’s not the same as Vassula’s but I talk to Him randomly through the website now and He answers whatever I have in mind. He said that this is also his gift for me. I even asked Him, are you really speaking to me? And he said, “I have indeed opened my mouth and spoken”.
Arlene Angela Roncal