The conversion was deep and strong.

12 February 2001 09:38

This testimony is from the USA and written in 1999

Vassula’s writings have been a God-send for me. By the time I discovered them, I had been wandering from the Lord for about 10 years. I sensed that I was being called and tugged on by our Father for quite awhile but my pride was so great that I kept my face turned away from Him so as not to hear him. I didn’t want to relinquish control of my pride. I had wandered so far from my God that I no longer believed in Christ as the Redeemer, Messiah and person of the Trinity despite my cradle Catholic status and 13 years of Catholic schooling. I felt that the Light I had felt as a child had become diffused and faint in my life and was very distant at best. My life was full of pain and anger and I didn’t know in what direction to turn.

I was startled back into thinking of my spiritual direction by a dream and began attending Christian churches. I refused to return to the Catholic church because it would require letting go of more pride than I was ready for at that time. It was at this time that I was first introduced to True Life In God. My mother was reading TLIG and I thought the concept behind the writings as intriguing yet a little ‘out-there’ for me. The seed had been sown though and it began to grow beneath the surface even before I had an awareness of what was happening. Every time I went home to visit my parents, I saw a copy of TLIG laying on the table. Each time I saw it, the seed inside me grew.

I was leaving a New Age way of thinking and was reaching back to the Christ of my childhood to whom I had been very close. I tried several churches but the human failings I witnessed in each one made me realize that spiritual weakness is a human trait and that it was now time to give Catholicism a new look and to heal the anger I held towards the church. It was around this time that I borrowed a copy of TLIG from my mom and decided to read it.

As I read TLIG I was continuously flooded with thoughts that perverted the love story in my mind. My skepticism was strong and it, along with my pride, wasn’t going to leave without a fight. The Lord is constant though and I told myself to push the thoughts aside and keep an open heart. If the Lord was present in the writings I wanted to be able to hear Him. Most of Vol. 1 was a struggle for me but before I was through this first book, I could feel myself falling into the hands of the Lord.

I ordered the next book so it would arrive before I finished reading Vol. 1 and by the end of the second volume, I had completely crumpled into The Lords hands. I found myself, on my knees, face to the floor, tears streaming down my face begging the Lord to forgive my loss of faith and my wandering away from Him. The conversion was deep and strong.

For the next month I walked through life with a heightened sense of our Lord’s presence in all people and in the Mass. I would find myself ‘tear-ing up’ in a crowd of strangers as I realized my Father’s presence in them. I wasn’t attending Mass regularly before this conversion but now found myself drawn to weekday Masses. As soon as morning Mass ended, I longed for the next day when I could again meet the Lord in Mass. I attended confession for the first time in years and increased my daily prayer time and journaling to the Lord. I also experienced Our Father’s incredible peace. Nothing could bother or upset me during this month. I even had a co-worker comment to me on my behavior. I smiled at his observation for the Lord’s Ways truly are mysterious and incredible.

My conversion occurred five years ago this fall and since then I haven’t looked back. The intensity at which I feel the Lord in my life is not as continuous now as it was in that first month but the Lord periodically gives me a taste of what I experienced at my conversion. I do find that my faith is stronger now than it has ever been in my life. For this I praise God.

Certainly I have stumbled and fallen plenty since I returned on my walk with the Lord. I continue to struggle and fall daily but I’m now understanding that my God is always with me and will pick me back up on my feet and give me the strength to continue on His path. I find that the path of The Lord becomes easier as I turn over more aspects of my life to Him and realize how His Love is present at every moment of every day in my life. Praise you my Lord and my God! Thank you Vassula for saying yes to Our Lord!