Testimonies 12b (Vassula experiences the Passion)
20 September 1998 07:29
This is the second of three testimonies relating to the same incident which occured in Puerto Rico in 1994
A Mystic Experience with Vassula Ryden
It was 1:00pm, we got to the restaurant and it was full of people. I felt a little tense because it was very loud and you could hardly talk. We were given a table for six almost immediately. The sitting arrangement came out that I was in front of Vassula with Father O’Carroll on my left. Gogui was beside Vassula. Radames was on my right center. Everybody sat down and I looked at Vassula because she was standing in front of her chair. She looked undecided whether to sit or not.
Finally she sat and the menus where brought to us. Father O’Carroll asked Vassula if she wanted some wine. She said: „no, just water“. There was a silence and I looked at her to try to establish a conversation. When I looked, I saw a terrible anguish in her languid eyes. It was such a sad sight that I had to lower my eyes because I was touched by the sadness and grief I saw and felt. I could not bear it, so I did not dare to look at her.
- I said to myself
- „this is not possible, why can’t you look straight at Vassula eyes?“ Why do you feel so moved and uncomfortable, at the same time in front of her“?
Stubbornly, I tried to establish a normal conversation and I asked her about Haiti, the island where they had just made a presentation. When she looked at me to answer she said „Haiti“ in a very distant voice, I saw in her profound eyes such sadness, but at the same time such a tenderness, that I started to feel I was unworthy to be seated in front of such a person. Again I could not bear it and touched, I lowered my eyes in shame.
At this moment, Father O’Carroll answered that everything went very well in Haiti and that they had a big audience.
There was silence again. For me it was an eternity because of the loud noise of the people talking around us. I tried to look at Vassula again. At this point she looked at me, to my eyes – but she was not Vassula anymore. Those were not her eyes, they were the most pure, sad, clear and tender eyes I have ever seen. I could say that the closest to it has been when contemplating Jesus in a beautiful statue or a painting.
Those eyes looked at me directly into my eyes profoundly and smiled at me with the most beautiful, loving, tender and pure smile I have ever experienced. I started to feel that I was such a sinner and such an unworthy person and yet that smile told me that I was loved and I was called. Then I grieved for all my continued offenses and my imperfections. Again, I lowered my eyes and tears came into my eyes before this Powerful Presence I felt there. Now I could not even hear the loud voices anymore.
At that moment, I saw that Vassula had turned to Gogui to tell her something in her ear. Gogui answered in Vassula’s ear. My moment was so intense that I thought that Vassula was asking Gogui to tell me to leave because I was not worthy to be there in front of her.
Vassula turned to Gogui again and then Gogui said that we have to leave. Now is when I realized, because I have read Vassula’s experience when she suffered Jesus’ Passion in Omaha, that she might have started to have the symtoms and that it was really Jesus who was reflected in her when she looked at me.
Confused, we all stood up. I told the owner of the restaurant that we
had to leave. Probably they thought that we were not happy with
their service or something. We started down the stairs. Gogui had
Vassula on one side, Father O’Carroll was behind and I was behind
Father O’Carroll. Once in the car park when I saw her walking in
front of me, it was not Vassula’s slender body, it was a much stronger and larger body, tumbling with a very heavy load that could hardly be carried. She almost felt down.
Once in the car she fell. I went to my car which was behind theirs. We left for Gogui’s house and I was alone in my car and I started to say the rosary and to cry when I realized how unworthy and small I was and how merciful and loving God was with me. I could not forget that look and that smile.
I could only say two decades of the rosary before reaching Gogui’s house. We started to try to carry her out of the car to a room. We were 5 persons and we could not carry her. I carried just one leg because I could not carry both, they were too heavy.
Finally we got to a room and put her in bed. There started the real anguish. It was unbearable to see the suffering because we have been so imperfect. She contorted silently and Father O’Carroll tried to soothe her.
Gogui and I fell to out knees, I closed my eyes and we started to say the Sorrowful Mysteries, as it was a friday.
Before that suffering, the only thing I could think of was how, because
of our sins and putrefactlon He was suffering like this. He was
really alive. We were totally unworthy of His Sacrifice. I
grieved for my sins and those of the whole world.
Throughout the Rosary she moaned faintly. At the fifth mystery, the Death of Our Lord Jesus, the moaning stopped and I opened my eyes and she was in the exact position as Jesus in the cross, her feet, her head slightly to one side and her hands and fingers, just like a crucifix.
In a while, we thought it was over because she asked to be seated down in a chair. So we looked for the chair and at that moment I had a phone call so I went out of the room.
When I came back thinking that it was over, I saw Vassula laying in the bed again, suffering and moaning.
Somebody called again, as we were coordinating Vassula’s presentation the next day, so I had to leave the room again.
When I came back she was on the floor, in the crucifix position except for one arm that was holding tightly a crucifix toward her heart. This time the whole body was suspended in the air except for her feet and wrists. The grief continued and in a very low voice she said something to Father O’ Carroll and Gogui asked me to look for paper and pen. So I ran out again and when I got back she was on her knees, still with her crucifix in one hand, but now both arms extended in an upward position.
It was at that moment that she started to say His Message crying desperately „I am losing so many… I am losing so many of My children…….“. While saying this she was clinging to Radames who was standing in front of her, Gogui was holding her back, Father O’Carroll was sitting on the bed next to her and I was kneeling writing down the Message.
It was 3:00PM. She cried very loud now…. Gogui started saying
and I repeated: „Jesus, help us help you, Jesus help us help you…“
like a plea.
After this she fell to the floor and soon it was over.
Millie Subira
Centre for Peace, Puerto Rico
February 11, 1994
